0:00

So we supposed to start

0:02

the podcast. Ready?

0:05

One, two, three. Welcome

0:09

to Asshole Island hosted by myself.

0:12

I'm Jennifer, an America's best size

0:14

queen. Pumps, Pumps,

0:16

how are you doing today? I'm great. How are

0:18

you? The clap was fantastic. Thank

0:20

you. It was robust. I mean,

0:22

I hate to take a victory lap, but it was

0:24

pretty great. I think sometimes we have to pause when

0:26

it's really good. And I think the listener knows. Yeah.

0:29

Even though sometimes they say they can't tell, which is

0:31

just highly disappointing. What have you had it with? Okay.

0:35

What I've had it with is, you know, I love

0:37

a political phone call, a

0:39

political survey. So normally

0:41

I don't go in blind on my caller ID. If I

0:43

don't know the number, I don't answer. But

0:46

of late, because I think it's going to

0:48

be someone asking me about

0:50

issues to do with the upcoming election,

0:53

I'll answer. Here's what

0:55

drives me crazy is when you get

0:57

a call and you say hello and they

1:00

say, please hold

1:03

for a person. And

1:05

you're like, what the fuck? You called me.

1:07

If you're not ready, right? Go fuck yourself.

1:09

Why, why do I have this phone call?

1:12

It's happened to me twice in the last week

1:15

and it's some political survey, but they're

1:17

only going to give it to you

1:19

if you wait for the person to

1:21

come online or to come on the

1:23

phone. You have to

1:25

earn the hold request. You

1:27

have to put some time on the call. You

1:29

have to be vested in conversation to even

1:32

think that you can ask somebody

1:35

to hold on a second. Like if you and I are on

1:37

the phone, if you answer the phone, I

1:39

go, oh my God, hang on just a second. You

1:41

just need to go ahead and hang up on me because I wasn't

1:43

prepared. But if we're knee deep in

1:46

some session, you know, we've dragged out some

1:48

dead horse that we've decided needs to be

1:50

beaten again. And we're 15 minutes

1:52

in and maybe something happens at

1:54

my house. I've earned the right to say,

1:56

hey, pumps, can you hold on just a

1:58

quick second? Romans walked in. house or

2:01

Josh just walked in. You

2:03

don't get to ride out of the gates,

2:05

request a hold. You have to earn the

2:07

hold. You have to earn the hold and

2:09

you certainly cannot call somebody and then expect

2:11

them to hold. No, it's an

2:13

immediate hang up. It's an immediate hang up. Have

2:16

you experienced this? So lately I

2:19

used to see the spam and I wouldn't answer it.

2:22

And then Josh Welch has been

2:24

something of an inspiration to me because he

2:27

started this very aggressive phone

2:29

answering situation.

2:31

Like he's been very aggressive. It doesn't

2:34

matter what it says. If it says

2:36

spam, if it says, you know, telemarketer,

2:38

he answers it really very affirmatively. He

2:41

is like, hello, Josh. This

2:43

is him. What are you calling for?

2:46

And they'll say, we wanted to talk to you about blah,

2:48

blah. He says, I do not want any part of this.

2:50

I want you to remove me from your list. And

2:53

they'll say, okay. And then Josh says, promise

2:55

me. You're going

2:57

to remove me from this list. And

2:59

they're like, okay. And he goes, you have to

3:01

promise me. And so

3:04

he kind of like fucks with him back. And

3:06

I've been kind of envious and jealous. So

3:08

I've started answering because I want to make

3:10

people I want to make

3:13

people promise me that they're

3:15

going to remove me from the list. Here's

3:17

what happens. You answer

3:19

the telemarketer. Right. So I answer hello.

3:22

And it's like dead silence. Right. And

3:25

then I say hello again. And then

3:27

it's dead silence. Then I go in for the

3:29

third hello. And then it's like, oh, you know,

3:31

the telemarker is probably like, you know, cutting their

3:33

toenails or something like, oh, shit, I need to

3:35

unmute this. Somebody actually answered

3:37

the phone. Sometimes if I

3:40

have to go in for the fourth hello, I'm just hanging up. Right.

3:43

Like I'm not, you have to be ready. So I

3:45

think what we need to do is we

3:47

need to be ready to take these phone

3:49

calls and take the lead

3:51

of Josh Welch, which I rarely recommend

3:53

anyone doing. This is

3:55

a very rare occurrence that I

3:58

think he's doing something right in life. But

4:00

I think he's on to something right you

4:02

just get super aggressive back to them like

4:04

he's not impolite But it's like you have to

4:06

promise me you're gonna remove me from this

4:08

list What I like is he's turn the table

4:11

flip the script baby And you know they're

4:13

all sitting there in a room and they sit

4:15

there and go oh my gosh that guy

4:17

yeah, don't call him You're

4:20

promising making promises right they've got you going

4:22

let me tell you what I've had it

4:24

with I've had it with We

4:27

all know about my ongoing war with

4:30

spam mail that I didn't sign up for

4:32

right email But here's a nuance

4:35

to that that's I find particularly

4:37

annoying So every morning

4:40

when I get to the office with enthusiasm

4:42

I sit down at my email box,

4:44

and I'm ready to respond to emails

4:46

and to unsubscribe That's like it makes

4:48

me feel like I've accomplished something right

4:51

at the top of the day Getting that

4:53

email box down to zero notifications

4:55

right So I click

4:57

you know respond to a couple work emails And

4:59

then I get to the solicitations that I didn't

5:02

sign up for and I go to the bottom

5:04

to the fine print and I click Unsubscribe and

5:07

then unsubscribe screen pops up and

5:10

Usually you just click opt to opt out well

5:13

lately. They've been asking me for my email address

5:16

What I'm like you know my email

5:19

address because you emailed me and So

5:22

it's just an extra layer

5:24

of annoyance, and it also makes

5:27

me wonder I Never

5:29

gave you my email address in the first place

5:32

Yet you emailed me despite My

5:35

not signing up for this and

5:37

now you're asking me for my email address in order

5:39

for me to unsubscribe And this is

5:41

an area of the wild

5:44

wild west internet that is

5:46

just not regulated at All

5:49

a lot of people are against regulations.

5:51

I'm for regulations Absolutely

5:54

the unsubscribe should be easier. I

5:56

feel like they're making it harder

5:58

and harder on the unsubscribe Why

6:01

would you have to give your email

6:03

address? It makes me feel like you

6:05

hit unsubscribe, but then they're re-upping you

6:08

with the email address. Doesn't it you?

6:10

You know my email address. You emailed

6:12

me. That's why we're here. That's

6:14

why I'm on this screen because this

6:17

information arrived in my email

6:19

box. Therefore that lets

6:22

me know that you know my email

6:24

address. Which makes me think they're

6:26

trying to get you to re-up without you knowing

6:28

it. And how are we supposed to know? Because

6:30

nobody's talking about this. Because there's all this other

6:32

crazy shit going on in the US right now.

6:35

So all of these little, you know, what

6:37

do they call it? Dinner table issues. All

6:39

of this stuff just gets pushed to the

6:41

side because all these fascists are trying to

6:43

take over. Right. We don't get

6:45

any attention on the little daily annoyances that

6:48

we all face. That we're really trying to

6:50

address and improve. But nobody will listen to

6:52

us. Nobody will listen. All

6:54

right, Kylie, what's going on? I've got

6:56

some emails from some listeners. Excellent.

7:00

This one is from Clint. And Clint emailed us

7:02

to say, I just wanted

7:04

to let you all know I have fucking had it with

7:07

your podcast. Between my husband and I, I was

7:09

the original follower. I discovered

7:11

you ladies on TikTok a long time ago. Now

7:14

my fucking husband has started listening to you cunts

7:16

in the car every morning. I

7:19

mean, he starts his goddamn day already having had

7:21

it with everything. And

7:23

I'm sick of hearing it. I can't

7:25

get him to do shit. I'm always met with, I've had it

7:28

with that. I've

7:30

had it with this. You know what I've had

7:32

it with? His bullshit cop out way of getting

7:34

out of doing shit. And quite frankly, I've had

7:36

it with you bitches as well. From

7:38

pumps, cock hungry, laugh, and

7:41

just Jen's face in general. Like, do you

7:43

even blink anymore? Seriously,

7:46

just fuck off, Clint from Indiana. Oh,

7:49

Clint from Indiana. I love an Ash

7:51

Chewin. I love Clint from Indiana. I

7:53

love getting trolled and called out. Yeah,

7:55

I just think it's so great. That

7:57

is so funny. But you know,

7:59

I find myself all the time when

8:02

my kids will say something or somebody

8:04

I'm talking to, like, that's trying to sell me

8:06

something. I'll just be like, I've had it with

8:09

that. Like real aggressive with it.

8:11

So I get it. I say it

8:13

all the time on the pickleball court. All the

8:15

time. Linda or Liz or Libby will

8:17

hit this winner, clean winner right by me. I

8:19

couldn't even get my paddle on it. I'm like,

8:21

I've had it. I've had it. I've

8:23

completely had it. Sometimes that's the

8:25

only thing that really expresses how you feel

8:27

in the moment. I've had it. Fucking

8:30

had it. I've had it. Yeah.

8:34

I understand Clint's plight. I do too.

8:37

All right. This one is from Linda and she's sending

8:39

us an email with what she's had it with. What

8:43

is with all this bullshit about living in

8:45

a van? Every

8:47

other Instagram post is about roaming around in a

8:49

van that they redid for the love of God.

8:51

You're living in your car, searching for what I've

8:54

had it. Thought you girls should know. I thought

8:57

this was a good one. We hadn't brought up. This

9:01

has not reached my algorithm. You haven't seen

9:03

the people, the young couple that buys a

9:05

bus or a van and they completely

9:07

redo it all boho style and they live out

9:09

of it. No, I have not seen this. I'm

9:11

horrified. That reminds me of that's like a, that's

9:14

just one step away from like

9:17

burning man where you're just, I

9:19

mean like my immediate thought is what

9:22

do you do with the pee? What do you do with

9:24

the poop? Where do you shower? How do you have any

9:26

privacy? What if you're changing clothes? I mean like all

9:29

I think of is problems when I hear that and

9:31

for somebody to sell it, oh, I'm having a great

9:33

time. I'm living in a styrofoam box

9:36

and I fucking love it. Bullshit. That's

9:38

an attention horror crap. There's no fucking

9:40

way. I guess the thing

9:42

is a lot of that stuff is just so

9:45

diminished for me about how much fun they think

9:47

they're having when they have to make videos about

9:49

it and put it on social media. Some

9:51

of the most fun that I have in my

9:54

life, I don't have one

9:56

Instagram video of it. Well, of course

9:58

not one. because

12:00

they are young. And the same with

12:02

these, like, there's like the tongue talkers,

12:05

and then they have this game

12:08

show like Jeopardy. And these

12:10

kids are like probably 18 to 23. And

12:13

they're spending all of this time producing

12:15

this little game show as to who

12:17

has memorized the Bible verses. And

12:20

I'm thinking you have this whole life. And

12:23

all of these things in the world to explore

12:25

in your worldview is

12:27

going to be this Iron Age book.

12:29

A lot of them are female that

12:32

are on this little game show. That

12:34

doesn't even give you any rights. Right.

12:36

You're supposed to make it. How tragically

12:39

sad is that? You

12:41

know, you have this whole life and this whole

12:43

big world out there that you can go dive

12:45

into. And your

12:47

worldview is just reduced to

12:50

this Iron Age book that gives you

12:52

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16:48

All right, speaking of assholes, today

16:50

we have prepared an episode from

16:52

our Patriots and Gatriots over on

16:54

our Patreon. And a

16:57

lot of people like to go to Reddit and ask, am

16:59

I the asshole? But when you're a

17:01

member of the I've

17:04

Had It podcast, Patriot and

17:06

Gatriot cult, you get

17:08

to ask your mother's gin

17:10

and pumps, or should I say your mother and

17:12

grandmother. You're such a bitch.

17:14

I am. All right, and I am

17:16

an asshole. Both. All right, so

17:19

first up is our great Patriot

17:21

Roy. And he says, am I

17:24

the asshole for kicking a 72

17:26

year old man off an airplane?

17:29

For context, I used to be a flight

17:31

attendant for Frontier Airlines, so that should tell

17:34

you enough. I was working lead

17:36

flight attendant that day. We had

17:38

already pushed back from the gate and we

17:40

were mid safety demo when a flight attendant

17:42

came and told me she noticed someone in

17:44

the emergency exit had a cane. Federal

17:47

regulations say you can't sit there with a cane.

17:49

So we tried to move him to a different seat

17:51

and he wasn't having it. After going

17:53

back and forth with this man for a minute

17:55

or two, I finally said, sir, to make this

17:57

simple for you, we're not taking off with you.

18:00

in this seat? Well, it happened

18:02

to be Pride Month and I was

18:04

wearing my Frontier Pride pin, which is

18:06

the Flying F logo on top of

18:08

a rainbow background. He said,

18:11

what does that stand for? Fucking

18:14

F-A-G-G-O-T. That's

18:17

when I said, you know what, sir? We're

18:20

just going to return to the gate

18:22

and have you escorted off the plane

18:24

due to your failure to fellow crew

18:26

members' instructions. All of

18:28

a sudden, he was more than happy to move

18:30

seats and I told him it was a little

18:32

too late for that. He got

18:34

removed from the plane by

18:36

Miami Airport Police. And

18:39

Roy, what I have to say to

18:41

that is you are nothing short of

18:43

a patriot and a gay-triot. Fuck the

18:45

old guy. Yeah, you're a hero. One

18:47

of the beauties of being a flight

18:49

attendant, and there aren't very many, is

18:51

that at the end of that you can say, fuck it,

18:54

we're going back. The feds are going to

18:56

pick you up. I mean, that is one of the few perks.

18:59

And this motherfucker, first of all, it

19:01

should have been immediate. Oh

19:04

my gosh, I have a cane. I need to switch

19:06

with someone. That's an easy fix. But

19:08

to get obstinate and then to say that about

19:10

the pride flag, go fuck yourself. I hope you

19:12

went to federal prison under

19:14

the jail supermax. Yeah,

19:18

the homophobia. It's awful. That

19:20

is unleashed lately is so

19:22

horrific and it is so

19:25

traumatizing for the progress that

19:27

the LGBTQ plus community is

19:29

made. And most of these

19:31

people in these communities have

19:34

already been shamed by their

19:36

families, by their communities

19:38

and by their churches, or they

19:40

have to go home for Christmas

19:42

or Thanksgiving to their

19:45

Trump loving family. I know that

19:48

their parents love for them as somewhat superficial

19:51

and somewhat duplicitous. And that would

19:53

be really traumatizing to be around.

19:56

And then you've got these assholes in the

19:58

general public that just feels so emboldened

20:00

to be so brazenly

20:03

homophobic. And it's just unbelievable

20:05

to me that that

20:08

this is going on. But Roy deserves

20:10

a profile and courage. Absolutely. The guys

20:12

in asshole. You are not the asshole

20:14

Roy. I think that

20:16

would be unanimous in this community.

20:19

Okay next up we have

20:22

Britt. Britt says, am I the asshole

20:24

aunt for not taking my nieces and

20:26

nephews on outings? My partner and I

20:28

are the only child-free couple in our

20:30

family and our siblings constantly guilt trip

20:32

us. Having the kids send us videos

20:34

and texts that we never spend time

20:37

with them. We see them on very

20:39

frequent family events and outings and having

20:41

them for an entire day gives me

20:43

a migraine. We have demanding

20:45

jobs and the weekends are time to relax,

20:47

catch up on household tasks and do the

20:49

things we enjoy to do together. The

20:52

last thing we need to do is take two

20:54

to four kids under the age of seven for

20:56

the day to some excursion. Part

20:58

of me feels bad but it's

21:00

something we currently just don't have the

21:02

time or energy for. Number

21:05

one, your siblings or the

21:07

assholes for making their kids

21:10

send you those videos.

21:12

I think that is toxic parenting. That's

21:14

bullshit is what it is. Trying to

21:16

get the kid to guilt you? That's

21:19

bullshit. And my whole deal is the

21:21

siblings are assholes. It's your

21:23

fucking kid. Get a babysitter.

21:25

Do not guilt your child-free sibling.

21:27

That's all. I mean that is

21:31

damn near offensive. I just,

21:33

I, the whole guilt trip,

21:35

family dynamic is so horrible.

21:39

I think if somebody wants to be

21:41

with you, let it be

21:43

their idea. Don't guilt trip them into

21:45

doing it. I just do not like

21:48

that. Furthermore, this Brit chose not

21:50

to have a kid. She sees

21:53

your kid at family functions and

21:55

clearly your kids weren't that great if you're always

21:58

wanting to get rid of is

26:00

how much attention she took

26:03

for herself when she got married and required

26:05

so much of them. I would think that

26:07

that relationship would be a breeding ground for

26:09

resentment. Yeah, yeah,

26:11

I completely agree. Okay, here's a

26:13

new one. This is

26:16

by Patriot member Aggravated

26:18

Waitress. Am

26:20

I the asshole for tripping my five-year-old

26:22

niece? I live with

26:25

my sister and her two young children, which

26:27

is mostly fun, but the kids can

26:29

really be trying at times, especially since

26:32

my sister takes the gentle parenting approach.

26:34

I find there tends to be a lot of

26:37

going on about respecting the kids' boundaries, but

26:39

when it comes to the kids learning to

26:41

respect the boundaries of others, not

26:43

much is really done about it. Anyhow,

26:45

the other day, my niece was

26:47

dangling herself off the handles of

26:50

our double-door fridge. This is

26:52

not only a danger to her, as the

26:54

fridge could possibly fall forward on her, but

26:56

in a less serious circumstance could damage the

26:58

handles on the fridge. My sister was

27:00

in the other room, so I told my niece to

27:02

stop and explain to her why she shouldn't hang from

27:04

the fridge. She quickly turned around

27:06

and screamed at me, saying, this is my

27:09

house too, and I'm allowed to do whatever

27:11

I want to. I

27:13

told her that was not the case and

27:15

calmly reiterated my reasoning as to why she

27:17

couldn't hang from the fridge. She

27:19

then spit at me and once again screamed,

27:22

I can do whatever I want, before starting

27:24

to run away from me. I

27:26

then proceeded to stick my foot out and

27:28

trip her. She quickly stood up

27:30

and wheeled around to scream at me, that's

27:33

not nice and you can't do that.

27:35

I smiled and responded with, it's my

27:37

house too, and I can do whatever

27:39

I want. I

27:42

felt bad after the initial satisfaction wore

27:44

off, but I've not had a problem

27:46

with this kind of behavior since. I

27:49

understand the better thing to do would

27:51

have been maybe a timeout or imposed

27:53

some sort of consequence like no TV

27:56

time, but my sister doesn't believe in

27:58

that either. I think regardless, Regardless, I'm

28:00

the asshole, but possibly for the good

28:02

of humanity. I'm

28:04

going to disagree with you, aggravated waitress.

28:06

I don't think you're an asshole. No,

28:08

I think that that, when

28:10

she spit in your face, all bets were

28:13

off. Yeah, I would have tripped that little

28:15

five-year-old immediately. Look, kids are resilient. She

28:17

needed to be tripped. I think

28:19

it was fantastic. You have said since

28:22

then that the kid hasn't had this

28:24

type of behavior. I

28:26

think the trip is mild. I

28:29

think the trip is mild, and I think

28:31

the whole gentle parenting

28:33

model, it's just wrought

28:35

with issues. I mean, that thing got out

28:37

of control fast. Five years old telling you,

28:39

it's my house. I can do what I

28:41

want. That makes me nervous for

28:43

the future. Yeah, I

28:46

think the kid's the asshole, and I

28:48

think that we need to normalize calling

28:50

kids assholes. And I

28:53

think that this

28:57

is a kid, a toddler,

28:59

that's completely out of control. Yeah, and

29:01

it's only going to get worse. I mean, she's hanging

29:03

from the fridge. She shouldn't be

29:05

hanging from the fridge. She shouldn't have backtalk you. She shouldn't

29:08

have spit in your face. You were

29:10

desperate. Yeah, I have

29:12

no problem with it. Kids trip and fall all the time anyway. Yeah, I

29:14

love it. Pamps trips and falls all the time. Oh

29:17

my God, you. For

29:19

the first time, maybe the second time

29:21

in 21 years, you tripped

29:23

the other day, and I could not believe my eyes.

29:25

I didn't fall. You didn't fall. I mean, you recovered,

29:28

but I was just like... I squeezed

29:30

into my core. Oh my gosh. Yes,

29:32

all right. Derek says, am I the

29:34

asshole for wanting Christmas Day just for

29:37

my household? Two years

29:39

ago, my wife and I decided to not

29:41

travel anywhere and not invite anyone to our

29:44

house on Christmas Day. We wanted to focus

29:46

on our children. In the past, we would

29:48

have three rounds of people come over and

29:51

have to fit our family Christmas in

29:53

for one hour because we had to

29:55

prepare the house. We got tired of

29:57

rushing around, trying to please everyone. only

29:59

two people that had a problem with

30:02

this was my mother and my sister. My

30:04

mom cried to my aunt and tried to

30:07

get her to change our minds. And my

30:09

sister straight up told us we were selfish

30:11

and closed minded. It caused us

30:13

a lot of stress to the point that we cried

30:15

to our other family members, not knowing what to do.

30:18

In the end, we stuck to it and reserved the day

30:20

to ourselves. And we are glad that we did it. It

30:23

is so much more relaxed and we

30:25

actually enjoyed ourselves. We still see the

30:27

rest of our families just

30:29

not on Christmas day. The rest of December

30:31

is completely booked for them. Am I the

30:34

asshole? No. A

30:36

hundred percent. No, you're absolutely

30:38

right. You know what I want to call this? Gentle

30:42

adulting. Gentle adulting. Gentle

30:45

adulting. Draw your boundaries gently

30:48

and tell the people, no, you

30:51

don't get to hijack my entire

30:53

holiday schedule. Why is my family

30:55

less important than the extended family?

30:58

Why is my time with my kids less important

31:01

than everybody coming over? It sounds like the

31:03

sister that called him selfish is the one

31:05

that's selfish. She didn't want a

31:07

host, so she wants you to host. Imposing

31:09

all of these events

31:13

onto a young family. It sounds like

31:15

Derek and his wife, young family, young

31:17

kids. And that's the magical time for

31:20

those of you that celebrate Christmas when your kids are

31:22

young and you believe in the magical thinking that Santa

31:24

Claus comes down and all that stuff. It's really fun.

31:27

It's a big time. And to impose

31:29

all of these visits and all of

31:31

these events, it makes you

31:33

not want to be around those people. A

31:35

girl that works for me, she has a

31:39

stepmother-in-law

31:41

that sent her a

31:44

schedule for Christmas

31:47

that I think consisted of

31:49

12 different

31:51

events for

31:53

her to attend. Twelve

31:56

different family events, which makes them not

31:58

want to be around. to go to any.

32:01

That's what I was going to say. If

32:03

you have that much demanding on your time,

32:05

you don't want to do any of it.

32:07

And then typically people like this,

32:09

when you reject the events, they're the guilt

32:12

trippers. I was going to say you get

32:14

guilt, Oh, posers and

32:16

guilt trippers. It's all in the same

32:18

library, in the same book, in the

32:20

same chapter. Absolutely. And I really dislike

32:23

people that insist we have

32:25

to celebrate this on this day.

32:27

Why can't you celebrate Christmas with a

32:29

different set of family the next day?

32:31

Yeah. It's still Christmas. The only people

32:33

that really matters to what the exact

32:35

day is, is little kids for Santa

32:37

Claus. Oh, also Jesus Christ.

32:39

Well, okay. But the baby Jesus. The baby

32:42

Jesus can go the next day, the

32:44

day before. Okay. Derek,

32:47

no, I do not think you're the asshole. I

32:49

think you are a very healthy

32:53

man advocating for boundaries for

32:55

your family and I think

32:57

the histrionics from the

32:59

other family members crying and pitching a

33:02

fit is just toxic

33:04

and their behavior further

33:06

confirmed for you that you did the

33:08

right thing. I agree. This

33:12

show is sponsored by BetterHelp.

33:15

You know, Pumps, I don't think it matters how

33:17

old we become. The idea

33:20

that the grass is always greener creeps

33:22

in and we think, Oh, if we

33:24

just had this, Oh, if I just

33:26

look like that, Oh, if I just

33:28

lived here, I might be happy instead

33:31

of focusing on what we do have

33:33

and staying in the now. I

33:35

struggle with this all the time and

33:37

I talked to my therapist at BetterHelp

33:40

about how to stay present in the

33:42

now and I cannot emphasize enough how

33:44

much my BetterHelp therapist helps me tackle

33:46

the day to day hamster that runs

33:49

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33:51

day. What I love about BetterHelp is

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33:56

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them at home in my pajamas where I'm a

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34:36

Pumps, when we first started this

34:38

podcast, the idea of having merch,

34:40

t-shirts, notebooks, the permanent record was

34:42

like a dream, but there's no

34:44

way I thought we could make

34:46

it reality. Thank God.

34:49

We discovered Shopify. Shopify makes

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managing any type of online

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the overwhelming and makes it

34:58

manageable. Specifically, I remember

35:00

we were like, how are we going

35:02

to accept payments? How are we going

35:04

to categorize all of these

35:06

buyers? Well, Shopify has all of

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the software and it's so user

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stage you're in shopify.com/had

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it. Claire,

35:37

am I the asshole for pretending I

35:39

had my period to get out of

35:41

all water activities in my

35:43

gym class throughout middle, throughout

35:46

middle school for context.

35:49

I didn't actually get my period until the summer

35:51

before I started high school. I

35:53

have naturally curly hair that I use, that

35:56

I used to fry within an inch of its

35:58

life with a straightening iron throughout ready

44:01

for battle. It's accountability. It is. It is accountability. It

44:03

keeps the efficiency. And here's the deal. If I'm on

44:05

my phone and the light changes, I appreciate it when

44:07

someone honks at me. Oh, I

44:09

do too. I mean, I prefer it than

44:11

everybody missing the light. Becca, am I the

44:14

asshole for always stealing my friend's phones in

44:16

the morning after sleepovers, turning the ringer on

44:18

loud, and calling them on star six seven

44:20

so they would wake up because I was

44:23

bored? I... I... I... I... I...

44:25

I... I... I... It sounds like

44:28

something I would do, but I think it's kind of assholey. Yeah,

44:30

it's total asshole. But sometimes being an

44:33

asshole is good. Right. Sometimes you can

44:35

be an asshole for the good. Well,

44:37

and let's get back up. Let's go.

44:39

Michelle, our favorite Michelle, I roll God

44:41

damn city says. What, Michelle? Am I

44:43

the asshole for sometimes hating my children?

44:45

I mean, obviously, I love them. But

44:48

sometimes I really dislike them. Sometimes

44:50

I want to drive off a

44:53

bridge just for silence or even

44:55

throw them out a window. Michelle,

44:58

this is the most relatable thing

45:01

a mother can possibly say. You

45:05

love your children. You'd give them a kidney.

45:07

You would fight to the battle if anybody

45:10

else even suggested for one second that your

45:12

kids were assholes. You're like, fuck you. Your

45:14

kids are bigger assholes. But this

45:16

is so relatable. Here's the

45:18

deal. Little kids are assholes. There

45:22

are times when your kids will make you

45:24

crazy and you hate them as much as

45:26

you love them all in the same moment.

45:29

If you don't say, my kid's driving

45:31

me crazy, my kid's an asshole, I think you kind

45:33

of go crazy. Then you're like

45:35

on your TikTok making all these videos and

45:38

it's toxic. Just being able to

45:40

say in your

45:42

mind or to a friend, fucking

45:44

had it with these kids, they're assholes. I can't

45:46

stand them right now. Doesn't mean in

45:48

15 minutes you won't love them more than anything on the

45:51

planet. I'm also going to take it a step further. I

45:54

think it's healthy to tell your kids, stop.

45:57

You're driving me crazy.

46:00

been asked and answered, I've asked

46:02

you to cease this behavior. There's

46:05

this notion that people can't tell

46:07

their kids what the consequence is

46:10

of their annoying behavior. And when a

46:12

child is acting annoying, they need to

46:14

be alerted as such because once they're

46:17

out of your nest, they

46:20

need to know how to deal with social

46:22

cues. And that starts with the

46:24

parenting. And so there's this notion

46:26

out there. And I don't know

46:28

when this came about that, like,

46:30

everything you tell your kids has

46:33

to be positive or that you can't draw a

46:35

boundary with your kids. Like, I'll be on the

46:37

phone with pumps or with somebody else. And my

46:39

kids walk in the room. I

46:42

stop the phone call and I say, hi,

46:44

I'm on the phone right now because I

46:46

want privacy. They're not entitled to

46:48

be around me 24, 7, 365.

46:50

Right. And I just think that this

46:52

is a dangerous precedent that's going on

46:54

that you can't tell your kids you're

46:57

being annoying. I

46:59

want privacy right now. I need

47:01

to be alone right now. It

47:04

creates this level of codependency

47:07

and the kids aren't able to function

47:09

out with other people. And I think

47:11

it's dangerous. Well, and it teaches kids

47:13

that their behavior is acceptable at all

47:15

times. And when they get out into

47:17

public, when they get into school, that

47:19

is simply not the case. And

47:21

then they don't boundaries when they get out there because

47:24

nobody's drawn them with them at home. There's been no

47:26

training. Yeah. No, pumps would

47:28

call me all the time. And

47:31

I would say hello. And she would say, I

47:33

fucking hate my kids more than anything on the

47:35

planet. Let's go smoke a cigarette. Yeah. And

47:38

I know you can't even

47:40

understand how into her kids

47:44

that pumps. It's ridiculous. I mean, it's sometimes over

47:46

the top. She loves her kids more than anything,

47:48

but I was always the voice when she called

47:50

that you got to say, you hate, you hated

47:52

your kids. And I knew that you literally didn't

47:55

hate your kids. I know that you hated that

47:57

moment with your kids and that the frustration is

47:59

over. overwhelming. The

48:01

frustration caused hatred, momentary

48:04

hatred. Right. I think

48:06

it's perfectly normal. Michelle. Perfect.

48:08

Yep. All right. Listen, check us out.

48:10

We are heading to Seattle. We

48:13

are heading to New York in September

48:15

and November for, you

48:18

know, just some world-class shit talking. That's

48:20

right. Live. Live and

48:22

in person. Mm-hmm. Mima's going

48:24

to bring the dragons. I'm going to bring the

48:26

dragons. Unfortunately, I can't go anywhere without them. I

48:29

wish I can. Yeah, that's right. All

48:31

right. And then right now our Patreon

48:34

post show starts. Pumps tell them. We

48:36

will see you next Tuesday or Thursday

48:38

or both.