0:02

A listener

0:04

production. Hey

0:07

everyone, welcome to the Aunty Donna

0:09

podcast. That's right. I

0:11

brought in prop. I brought in some

0:14

little cereals and believe it or not, we got three

0:16

podcasts out of that. And this

0:18

is the third one in which we talk

0:20

about Kellogg's. We talk about cereals. We

0:23

talk about the size of them, which is small. Assorted

0:26

cereals, eight

0:29

sachits of them. And

0:31

we talk about that in this podcast and

0:33

it's crazy and it's fun. And

0:36

if you want to see the visuals of the cereals, which

0:39

almost rhymed, head over to Aunty

0:41

Donna Club dot com. You

0:44

know the drill. We tell you to go check

0:46

out the Patreon every week. Why don't you do something different

0:48

this week? Go to at the Aunty Donna Gallery on Instagram.

0:51

Give us a little follow on there and then

0:53

head over to our Patreon where

0:55

you can see some extra stuff in all the visuals. Have

0:58

a great podcast. Hi

1:02

everybody. Welcome

1:05

to the

1:08

Aunty Donna

1:10

podcast. If

1:16

you joined us last week, I had Coco Pops. Or

1:19

that may have been a couple of weeks ago. I

1:22

don't know. We don't know about the rollout. We

1:25

decided, now we

1:27

would never normally do this. Sorry,

1:30

my phone went off. But we

1:32

decided to record another

1:34

one straight after. We

1:37

would never normally do this, but as we

1:39

were packing up to leave, having done our

1:41

one podcast for the week, Broden

1:43

said, wait a second. How

1:48

come you get a cereal? I

1:50

want a cereal. You did say that. And I said, you

1:53

can't just grab a cereal on your way out. And he

1:55

said, no, no, no. I want

1:57

a cereal moment is how he described

1:59

it. I'm a serial

2:01

killer. I want to get that serial

2:03

into my habit. That's not what I

2:05

said. That's not what I said. And

2:07

I want to get a bunch of

2:09

people. That's not what I said. Sometimes

2:12

I get an urge that I can't

2:14

hold down to kill people and I

2:17

get in my van. This is what

2:19

Broden said. Broden Kelly said I get

2:21

in my van. I

2:23

kidnap them and I kill them. I

2:26

got garbage bags taped to those windows.

2:29

I didn't say any of this. So no one can see it. And

2:32

like 50 air

2:34

fresheners just hanging from the roof in

2:36

the back of that van. So

2:38

you can't smell the corpses or see

2:40

them. No, I didn't. I've killed

2:43

25 people,

2:46

mostly in Western Australia and South

2:48

Australia. But sometimes when I can't

2:50

hold it in for

2:52

the drive to South Australia, I've done

2:55

about seven in Victoria, he said. I

2:57

started on ruse. I

2:59

started when I was a kid out

3:02

in the paddocks, seeing the

3:04

ruse and gutting them. Sorry.

3:09

Sorry. No, you didn't say that. No, that

3:11

wasn't you. What you said was

3:13

I'd love some Kellogg's. Sorry.

3:16

It's Kellogg's cereal. I misremembered when you

3:19

said I'd love to have

3:21

a bowl of Kellogg's cereal. I remember

3:23

that as a really detailed life

3:25

story of the other kind of serial

3:27

killer that kills women and children. But

3:30

that's not what you never said anything like that.

3:32

You didn't start on ruse and that didn't satisfy

3:35

your hunger. You didn't and

3:37

you've never killed a person, let alone many people.

3:39

And you never said anything like that. You said,

3:42

I'd like to have my pick of that

3:44

variety. Yeah, I think you said, is there

3:46

any sustain? And

3:48

I said, no, the sustains gone. You said not

3:51

I collect people in the back of my

3:53

van and any of those things. We said that stuff

3:56

about the air freshener. I don't remember you now that

3:58

I think about it. You never said anything. No,

4:00

I think you said are there cornflakes?

4:04

Yeah, and then I think I'm now that I'm

4:06

really thinking about it when I said that thing

4:08

about crossing state lines and killing people in SA

4:11

and WA. Actually,

4:13

what you said is did Zach have both Coco

4:15

pops? Yeah. So

4:18

you wanted to have some cereal. Brandon tell us

4:20

a little bit about I guess

4:22

your desire for cereal. Yeah,

4:24

I'd like to know what you look

4:27

for in a cereal. What

4:29

are you are you looking for? Grain

4:31

brands. Are you looking for whole grains?

4:34

Are you looking for the weight? Does

4:37

the white two questions white to come into it?

4:40

Thanks for asking in answer to your

4:42

first question. What do I look for

4:44

in the cereal? That was the second

4:46

question. The first question was like something

4:48

about desire. What are you when did

4:51

you first feel this desire for cereal?

4:54

That's what you asked me first. I was

4:56

something like that. And I would say not

4:58

in your life. I would say this particular

5:00

instance is it hot in here? Oh, it's

5:02

scorching. Is it warm? Oh, it's like it's

5:06

it's a cool. I'm gonna turn up the

5:08

cool a little bit. We

5:13

need to start not doing whatever like with

5:16

whatever during the podcast getting up getting a coffee controlling the

5:18

temperature of the room. These are

5:20

things that we have breaks in between episodes each recording of an

5:22

episode in which normally we we do these tasks check our phones

5:24

send an email if we need this opening five minutes might be

5:26

where someone gives us a crack. Yeah,

5:29

and if one if one person doing

5:31

the podcast can't

5:33

even sustain their attention. Well,

5:36

isn't that on you guys if you can't even keep

5:39

me interested how you must

5:41

be doing a bad job? It's my fault. I know

5:43

it's my fault and I hate myself for

5:46

it. It's your fault that I can't I can't do

5:48

it. I'm not. I'm

6:00

getting there. I'm working towards you. You're going

6:02

to apologize to me for making me feel

6:04

bored and distracted. I'm sorry that you feel

6:06

bored and distracted. You're sorry that you

6:08

make me feel that way. All

6:10

right. I am sorry that I make

6:13

you just because I guess I'm

6:15

a dumb cunt. Sure. Um,

6:17

then I make you feel bored and distracted. So you're

6:19

going to apologize for all those times that I've walked

6:21

out of the podcast and I've done, and like last

6:23

week I got a coffee. Don't do it. I

6:26

feel like mate, apology covered. Mark.

6:28

What? I don't feel it covered.

6:30

Eight years of this podcast. I don't

6:33

feel it covered it. I want you to apologize for

6:35

me walking out of the room sometimes. I

6:39

do anything to say my

6:41

name. You want this officially recorded? I

6:43

Mark Samuel Bonanno. Apologize

6:48

whole fartedly. I'm

6:50

not joking. No, I'm not taking the piss.

6:52

I'm just showing it to comedy. Then say

6:54

wholeheartedly. Wholeheartedly. Great. As

6:57

much as there are energies, as much

6:59

as the energy from sustain comes from

7:02

whole grains, I whole heart, but this

7:04

apology comes from my whole heart. And

7:10

yeah, I heard you and I'm working towards it. It's

7:12

an easy thing to just drop into an apology. catalogs.

7:15

You just talked about the word. All the brain.

7:18

Yeah, because I found an in, I

7:20

found an in and in a way having

7:23

said sustain, I have mentioned callogs

7:25

in a way. You

7:27

want me specifically say callogs. You're gonna give me some time

7:29

to work it in because that's a hard one to work

7:32

in. Work it in there. Much

7:36

like would when

7:39

chopped down into logs. Okay.

7:45

Callogs.

7:48

Just apologize. I'm sorry. Brandon,

7:51

you're sorry for all the times I've walked out of

7:53

the podcast. Zach,

7:56

if I could take back every instance where I

7:58

have made you feel bored. and need to

8:00

walk out of this room because I'm not bringing

8:02

it, whether that's with heightened characters, with being the

8:05

straight guy. I

8:08

apologize. That's good. And I forgive you

8:10

both. Great. Thank

8:12

you. And if I walk out again, whose fault is it? It's

8:14

ours. Yeah. That's our

8:17

fault. Yeah. And if I have

8:19

cereal instead of talking into the microphone, whose fault is it?

8:21

That's ours. We didn't keep your... That's

8:23

ours for not being entertaining enough. Yeah. That's our job.

8:26

It might not just be the entertainment. Might be other reasons. Just

8:29

remember whose fault it is. Stink. Stink.

8:32

Do we smell bad? Is it because we smell bad? Could

8:34

be. Could be. Thank you

8:36

for your apology, guys. That's a big movement

8:39

forward in our healing. I knew it was gonna...

8:41

I thought it might be stink. My

8:44

partner rolled over this morning and Mike just went

8:46

to meet you. Fucking stink. She's

8:49

like, you fucking stink today. Yeah.

8:52

This is your partner. Yeah. Your

8:54

life partner. They abused you as you woke up.

8:56

Did they really say you stink? Fucking stench about

8:58

you making me sick to my stomach. Did they

9:00

really say that? Yeah. That's

9:02

rude. Wow. Is

9:05

this a one off? Yeah. And

9:08

to be fair, I like diarrhea

9:10

all in the bed. Hmm. Hmm.

9:13

Okay. And she said,

9:16

well, and she said, you fucking stink. I

9:19

have diarrhea all on my leg. Hmm.

9:23

Did she... That's some context, I think.

9:25

Because I was about to say things. I was about

9:28

to make decisions on who was the good guy, who

9:30

was a bad guy. Still

9:32

haven't decided. I don't know that. But I think

9:34

that was an important piece of imp... That was

9:37

an important piece of the puzzle. She said, is

9:39

that diarrhea on my tummy? Because

9:41

we spoon. And I'm always a

9:44

little spoon. She said,

9:46

is that diarrhea on my tummy? You

9:48

fucking stink. And

9:50

then she said, there's diarrhea in there. Hey,

9:52

that's awesome, man. That's awesome. I think we

9:54

need to be more vulnerable. Are

10:00

you unwell? Do you have gastro or do you

10:02

have some food poisoning or something? Or what do

10:05

you mean? Do

10:07

you, are you, because there are other symptoms. Yeah. What, because

10:09

why are you Do

10:12

you usually have wet poo? Wet

10:14

poo. Yeah. Like diarrhea. Not

10:17

like, I mean, poo is

10:20

like poo in general is a bit

10:22

wet. Okay. Okay. Yeah. But it's not

10:24

usually, uh, I

10:26

guess it's not as, uh, there's, there's not

10:28

as much wet. Normal. Okay.

10:31

Okay. Can I ask you, uh, what

10:33

your diet's like? Um, You're

10:36

eating fiber or it's okay if you're not,

10:38

it just helps us know. I've

10:40

been, yeah, like fruit, veggies,

10:43

a fair bit of fruit and veggies. This

10:46

is the doctor's podcast where we

10:48

talk about health, better health, better

10:50

learning. And today we've got in someone

10:52

who's fucked. And that's not, Dr.

10:54

Broden here, uh, is a general

10:57

practitioner. GP. Focused

10:59

attrition. Obstetrician, a bit of time in pediatrics

11:02

as well. I of course have, I had

11:04

my run. Uh, I did do a short

11:06

time as a GP, but now I work

11:09

in cosmetic surgery. So I can talk about

11:11

those nips and tucks and those sorts of

11:13

things. And this episode is brought to you by

11:15

CeraVe. What is

11:17

that? Moisturizer. Oh, nice, clean base

11:20

moisturizer. No sense attached. Great for

11:22

sensitive skin. Oh, like

11:25

QV. Very similar. Similarly. Yes. Um,

11:27

now Mark, you were telling us

11:29

about your wet, wet poo

11:32

diarrhea. Um, I have a question. Do you

11:34

drink, do you smoke? Yes. Uh,

11:37

how much a day would you say? Uh, I

11:40

drink smoke maybe three

11:42

times a day. No, no, no, no, no, no.

11:45

I just want to clarify there something, Dr. Zach. Are

11:48

you drinking smoke? Yeah. Or are

11:50

you drinking and smoking? Oh,

11:53

I'm sorry. There was a comma there. There

11:55

was an inferred comma. I'm sorry. You

11:57

need to be clear because other way.

11:59

It was clear. Your job, and yet

12:02

I didn't understand. Well that's touched on a

12:04

very good point Mark, and something that our

12:06

audience often love is we're drilling down on

12:08

something that is a point of communication between

12:11

doctor-patient. How much are

12:13

you communicating with your doctor and could you do

12:15

more? Should you be drinking

12:17

as much smoke as you are drinking? Well,

12:19

for sure. Or, because we don't know

12:21

about the health impacts of drinking. So

12:23

are you a doctor or are you

12:25

a man with diarrhea? I have a

12:27

PhD. In what? Fart.

12:31

A PhD in fart. PhD

12:34

in fart. Can

12:37

you, what's the thesis? Excuse me?

12:40

What was the thesis in the fart

12:42

PhD? What

12:45

do you mean? Do you mind if I look it up? Pardon?

12:47

Do you mind if I look up your PhD? You

12:50

can look it up, absolutely. It

12:52

rises. Now,

12:58

my question for you, doctors,

13:01

you're not on here as a doctor.

13:03

I'm not. You're here as a

13:05

guest who we're talking to

13:07

about the health issues. Look, for breakfast this

13:10

morning I had a brownie and milk. That's

13:14

real. I had a wet brownie. I got some

13:16

oat milk and I

13:19

wet it with some milk. I

13:21

got a brownie. Whether you're a

13:23

doctor in fart or

13:26

not is not why you're here. You're

13:29

here because you're diaring in bed.

13:31

It's affecting your work. Yeah.

13:34

It's affecting your life. It's affecting your partner's

13:37

life. It's affecting your relationship with the people

13:39

around you. She was

13:41

cool with it. Did I not mention

13:43

that? What did you say she

13:45

said when you woke up? Oh yeah,

13:47

right. But it's more how she, how

13:50

she said it. How did she say it? She went,

13:52

oh, is that diarrhea on my belly?

13:55

Yes. She was like, you stink.

13:58

So. Did I not do it in that time? I'll

14:00

let you be honest, as a doctor I

14:02

talk with patients heaps every day. Well,

14:05

yeah. And despite,

14:07

despite, yeah, but I don't, I

14:09

don't think you're a medical doctor.

14:11

Well, well, because I just looked

14:13

up your, your, your PhD thesis

14:15

and it's, is this yours? The

14:17

rising gas and exploration of farts

14:19

in pre-haze code Hollywood. Oh

14:22

no, that was a colleague of mine. Oh sure. Yeah.

14:26

Where's your thesis? What's your thesis? It

14:28

was too good to

14:30

post. Oh. No, no. What

14:32

do you say? So that would mean you're not a

14:35

doctor then? No, no, no. I know. Was

14:37

it published? Explain. Are you

14:40

published? Describe published. Are you published?

14:42

If you're a doctor you know what I mean.

14:44

I'm not published. I live, I breathe. I, I, I

14:47

have consciousness. Are you published? In

14:49

a way we're all published. I have another

14:51

problem. I'm a published human being in the

14:53

sense that my mother published me to this

14:55

earth. My mother and

14:57

father got together, they wrote the song of love

15:00

and they published me. So am I published?

15:02

Yeah, we all are. When

15:05

you performed as your girlfriend the second

15:07

time, Zach's on board with that. Dr.

15:09

Zach's on board with that. You can't

15:11

deny that. When you re-performed as your

15:14

partner the first time it was

15:16

aggressive and then you re-contextualize it, I'm

15:18

going to be honest for me, despite the

15:21

positive performance, it still seemed like she

15:23

would be upset. But isn't

15:25

it a lesson in it's not what we say, it's

15:27

how we say it. No, it's a lesson in that

15:29

that's not true. It's also a lesson...

15:31

Oh, hey, you stink like shit and

15:33

there's shit everywhere. Mark, even

15:35

if... Yeah, do it more sexy though. Even if

15:37

you... There's like shit and there's shit everywhere.

15:39

Oh, now. See? That

15:41

did change it. That's... see? I guarantee there's

15:44

at least one listener that liked that a

15:46

little too much. Good on them. And

15:48

good on them. Good on you. Because,

15:50

hey, we're doctors and that's okay. Can I

15:53

say, Mark, listen. I don't

15:55

mind if you and your partner engage in shit play.

15:58

Please try to be hygienic. I was not playing.

16:01

Sure. So what worries

16:03

me is the implication in

16:05

your story is there's a lack of

16:07

control. You've got a lack of bowel

16:09

control. Now that could be

16:11

due to a number of bodily issues.

16:16

It could be down to your sphincter. But it's

16:19

also because of the menu, because you have to

16:21

get two every time you order. You

16:23

can't just get one. You

16:28

can't just get one bow. So

16:31

bowel control is difficult because when I order at

16:34

a restaurant... You just want more. And

16:36

is that why you've got diarrhea, do you

16:38

think? I'd like to drill down on your

16:40

diet because I am worried about you diarrhea-ing

16:43

during your sleep. I bow specifically. Do you

16:47

mean exclusively? I

16:49

know what I meant. I'm a doctor. In

16:52

what? Fat. Mike,

16:56

what do you mean you eat

16:58

bowel specifically? As in you're with

17:00

precision? Yes. When

17:03

I eat, there might be two, three food

17:06

around me. But

17:08

if there's not specifically bowel,

17:11

and if it's an inner controlled environment as

17:14

well or uncontrolled, I

17:17

will specifically eat bowel.

17:19

Can I ask about your diet? Because I'm

17:21

concerned that you're sleeping and potentially doing diarrhea

17:24

while you sleep, is you're not even rising,

17:26

you're not even waking. You're

17:29

having diarrhea while you sleep. Tell

17:31

me about your sleep habits. Well,

17:34

I had a bad dream as well that might fold

17:38

into the legs. Do

17:40

you want to talk through the dream? Well,

17:43

yeah, if you think it's worth it. Sometimes

17:46

often I find the lowest form of conversation

17:48

is what I dreamt about.

17:50

But in this instance, it was a

17:52

really exciting kind of dream. You felt

17:54

you couldn't rise from this sleep. Is

17:56

your friend doctor just on their phone

17:58

texting? I'm Googling. He's

18:01

questioning whether you're a doctor. I'm

18:03

looking at... My credentials. For full

18:05

disclosure, I think... He bites. It's

18:08

kind of hard to find. He doesn't believe you're a doctor.

18:11

Really? Because to be a

18:13

doctor in FART is a very heightened,

18:15

absurd notion. And

18:17

you only said you're a doctor after we

18:20

said we were doctors. Oh, no, too. Oh,

18:22

so I plagiarised you, did I? No.

18:26

I copied then. Sorry if you

18:28

don't understand the word. Okay, yeah, you

18:30

copied us, yeah. Right, right, right.

18:34

I reject that wholeheartedly

18:36

as a notion. And

18:39

the notion of the...

18:43

No, the motion of the notion. No,

18:46

the motion of the notion... The

18:49

notion of the motion. The notion of

18:51

the motion of your ocean means... Tear

18:53

spray. ...small craft advisory.

18:56

Is this your thesis here? Bloodhound gang. Jimmy

18:58

Pop said that. The notion of your ocean.

19:00

We know him. The motion of your ocean...

19:02

The notion of your... The

19:05

motion of the motion of your ocean means

19:07

small craft advisory. Hinting at the fact that

19:10

I think... Ooh, he sounds pretty... ...doctor-y. Yes.

19:14

Because I believe he's referring to having a tiny

19:18

dick. Mm. Bloodhound

19:21

gang. Small craft advisory. No, he's... He's

19:24

saying that... She

19:26

is saying... And this is all in my thesis.

19:28

I know. And you can read this up.

19:31

She's saying, I don't want no little dick. You can read this up.

19:33

I don't want no... You can read this up. There's

19:35

no... I don't want no little dick. So

19:37

you were talking about... See, because... So that

19:39

would mean this thesis here, Flatsulants and the Byzantines,

19:41

the ongoing impacts of Roman cultural norms on the

19:43

attitude toward farts in the early Byzantine Empire, is

19:46

not yours. No, no, no. That

19:48

was my colleagues. Oh, sure. There

19:50

was a class of thousands. On

19:53

fart. Thousands of PhD

19:55

students. Oh, yes. So

19:57

firstly, thousands of a class... of

20:00

thousands of PhD students. It

20:02

was, yes. We

20:04

had to have our seminars

20:06

in the state theater, boy.

20:09

Seminars, seminars for PhD

20:11

students. In the state theater, there

20:13

were so many of us back

20:16

then. All for fart? Or

20:18

just generally? Some, it was a,

20:22

they were doing a Bachelor of Arts and it was an

20:24

elective. Bachelor of Arts.

20:26

So you know a bachelor, a bachelor,

20:28

and a PhD are very

20:30

different things, yeah? Yes, but

20:33

to get to some, we're

20:36

more advanced than others. I have not

20:38

time wasting here on my educational.

20:41

Oh, sorry. But the way

20:43

I, I am

20:45

a doctor, damn it. Oh great, I accept

20:47

that. I'm happy to move forward. Should have

20:49

said Bachelor of Farts. That

20:52

is disgusting. And anyone that has

20:54

a PhD in fart would

20:57

be horrified to

20:59

hear you say that. It

21:01

takes the piss. And there was

21:03

not one PhD in piss in the

21:05

whole class, but it takes the piss.

21:10

Does that make sense? Yeah. Like

21:13

a thief in a, in a, in like

21:15

a thief, where's

21:17

somewhere they keep piss? In

21:20

a bag? In a

21:22

bag? I mean like

21:25

a building, an institution. Come

21:27

on, you're a doctor. You should know this. We keep

21:29

pissing fridges. Yeah,

21:32

but where's the fridge? Hospital? Yeah.

21:35

Is there a piss room where they keep the piss? No,

21:37

it would be a medical room. Like

21:39

a thief in a medical room. Like

21:41

a weird thief in

21:43

a medical room. You are taking the piss. Why

21:48

you think you, why you think you got wet

21:50

shits and why you drinking smoke? Well,

21:53

I drink smoke because, sorry.

21:58

And how? Liquid smoke. Which

22:00

is? What

22:02

is that? Where you get... Get a little... You

22:05

get it in the spice section. Really?

22:08

Yeah, it's they put the smoke flavor

22:10

into a liquid. It's better to actually

22:12

smoke your meat. Right, right, right. When

22:14

I came... You're drinking that. Well, yeah.

22:17

That's bad. That's probably... That's giving you diarrhea.

22:19

That's probably why you're drinking straight liquid smoke.

22:21

You haven't even heard about my drink. Hey,

22:24

did you write popular farts, musical and lyrical

22:26

themes of flatulence in popular music 1996, 2010?

22:30

No, that was my colleague. Really? Yeah.

22:33

Well, because you would... It must be

22:36

something very adjacent to that. Adjacent?

22:39

Yeah, because you were talking about popular music

22:41

and farts before. I

22:44

think this kind's lying. No, I'm not

22:46

lying. Look it up! As a doctor, I

22:48

signed a Hippocratic oath even

22:52

if someone's full of shit, and this guy isn't

22:54

because he put it all on his bed sheets. Is

22:59

to help him despite his lies. And

23:01

to, instead of going, you're lying, find

23:03

out why is he lying? So my

23:05

question to you is doctor in psychology.

23:08

No, I'm just help people every day. He's

23:10

a medical doctor. He's

23:16

not a PhD doctor. I

23:19

have a PhD. In? In

23:23

basically, you know the little bump? You

23:26

know the little... No,

23:28

you know when people have a nose and they've got

23:30

a little bump at the end? So

23:32

the nose is like a little slope and a little

23:34

bump. The bridge. So

23:36

it's like a little pixie nose and

23:39

it's a straight sort of down and then right at the end,

23:41

it's like boop. It's like a little Disney nose. Is it the

23:43

bridge? I don't think that's the bridge. No, it's like people who

23:45

look a bit like Whovians. You know that

23:48

little boop? Boop, you know the little boop

23:50

at the end? Yeah, I'm aware. You know how a

23:52

lot of celebs now... They

23:54

get rid of the bit at the top and

23:56

then add a little boop at the end. I

23:58

invented the boop at the end. You

24:00

invented the book at the end. That's what I got my

24:02

PhD. Oh, because he does plastic surgery. Is your thesis called

24:04

book in the end? No,

24:07

it's called rhinoplasty processes

24:09

and innovations with... Five.

24:13

I don't have a PhD, I was lying. Oh

24:15

my God. You're

24:17

the only one with a PhD here. Now what is

24:19

your- Wait, you're not a doctor? No, I'm a doctor,

24:21

I don't have a PhD. He doesn't have a PhD.

24:23

We're medical doctors. But yeah.

24:26

The fact that you don't know that is

24:28

fucking weird, man. No, only, but you see,

24:30

I only don't know that because

24:33

my PhD was so specific

24:35

and intense that

24:38

we had no time to talk to others. What about

24:40

when you were doing your bachelor of arts? When

24:42

I was doing my bachelor of arts, I was

24:44

doing it very different to you boys. Cause I

24:47

was a bachelor and I was very

24:49

artistic. So I spent

24:51

my time fucking and painting. Sure.

24:56

Sure, okay. What was

24:58

your dream? My

25:01

dream was a better world. A

25:03

better world where people looked after each other, loved each

25:05

other, took care of business

25:08

before they took care of themselves. That was

25:11

my dream too. I used to work, I

25:13

used to volunteer at Medicine Sans Francier. I

25:16

love that patisserie. Actually, it's

25:19

a global charity. Goes

25:21

into war zones, supplies medicine without borders.

25:23

They sell penne chocolate though. They do

25:25

sell that, yeah. No,

25:27

no, it's free medical care.

25:30

Freons, freons. In drought zones

25:32

and war zones. Anyway,

25:34

the point is. And ladyfingers. Well, in

25:36

fact, I wasn't getting my freons. I'd

25:39

get back and

25:41

I'd say, God, I could go a freon, but I don't

25:43

have any money. Cause I've just been working

25:46

for peanuts for Medicine Sans Francier. And I

25:48

thought, you know what? At the nut shop.

25:50

Enough of that, I'm gonna become a plastic

25:52

surgeon. Oh, that's,

25:55

look, that's fine, but I'm

25:57

sorry. Are you an elephant? Yes.

26:01

Excuse me. Yes,

26:03

I have an elephant. Well,

26:06

that explains why they were paying him in pain.

26:08

Yeah, if you haven't noticed, he's a big, grey

26:10

elephant. Right, now that it's pointed out. Now,

26:13

are you a Thai elephant or an African elephant?

26:15

African elephant. They're the bigger elephant. And

26:17

I can stand on a ball. For

26:19

I come from the circus. Oh, back

26:21

around in the circus. Did they treat you well there? Pardon

26:24

me? Did they treat you well? No.

26:27

Tell us of the torches. It

26:29

was a torture, more neglect. You

26:31

know, I was honest. They put me on a

26:33

truck. Mistreatment. Yeah. They're a

26:35

wonderfully smart animal and they look on humans as if we

26:37

are cute. But my question to you is this dream of

26:39

a better world. Oh yes, I carry on. This

26:42

is the dream you had while you were asleep while you were shitting

26:44

liquid? No. No, this is

26:46

just the dream in general that I have for the

26:48

world. It's like I want to need a desire. Yes,

26:50

thank you, elephant. I feel we don't take

26:53

care of the better man or

26:55

beast. Thank you. I'm

26:59

a man. You can call me a man. Elephant

27:01

man. I'm a man of a different kind. Elephant

27:03

man. You are nor a beast. No. Not

27:05

a man. Not John Merrick. Not

27:07

John Merrick. I am... Okay,

27:10

so to describe what I look like because this is

27:12

an audio medium. I don't

27:14

look like John Merrick. But

27:16

I do look in the same way that

27:18

Bradley Cooper when he played John Merrick. On

27:21

stage. At the West End. Where

27:23

he performed the deformities. He contorted himself. He's

27:25

acting alone. No makeup. I look...

27:27

I am a man. I am

27:30

an actor trying to prove themselves doing the

27:32

physicality of an elephant. One arm is my

27:34

trunk. My head

27:36

is a little tail. Yeah. You

27:38

understand? You're just wearing underpants. And

27:41

I'm just wearing underpants. So I

27:43

walk onto the stage every night. Is it

27:45

a doctor podcast? I walk onto

27:47

the stage every night. Conversation with some big doctors.

27:49

In underpants. Two. And the

27:51

lights go dim. You can hardly see me. And I

27:53

go from an actor and I

27:56

transform into an elephant. Yeah,

27:58

beautiful. Wow. $78

28:00

for the cheapest ticket. Yes and Bradley

28:03

Cooper and you so I Just

28:06

excuse me. Excuse me elephant. Sorry, and you know

28:08

how I knew that Sam was not a fart

28:11

Do you know how I knew that because you're a PhD

28:13

in fart? Cuz I'm a goddamn

28:15

doctor. Yeah. Mmm now you

28:17

there you I want to drill down on

28:19

this dream thing Okay, what were

28:22

you dreaming? You talk about what flavor

28:24

would you like? flavor Just

28:28

right flavor cereal just right But

28:32

what variety what kind just right labor

28:34

works No,

28:36

not flavor. What flavor just right

28:38

flavor works to quote Craig David.

28:40

What's your I just I fundamentally

28:42

disagree But it works What

28:45

do you mean? I got what I meant and I

28:47

got the answer. Yes at the at the sacrifice of

28:49

being Factually incorrect,

28:51

but it works doesn't it? I I

28:56

mean is it works it doesn't

28:58

it doesn't hmm. So it doesn't work.

29:01

Mmm But what happened there was I wanted

29:03

to know what what he wanted. I said what

29:06

flavor he answered it worked Well,

29:08

you know, I'm chocolate chocolate. Thanks. I'm a bit of an

29:11

old soul. I guess I just do things I

29:14

didn't because he said just right. There's

29:16

no just right. Yeah. Yes, there is

29:20

There's just right there's Nutri-Grain. Here

29:23

we go. There's Complex

29:25

see a man fall apart. There's

29:27

special K. What else is there?

29:29

There's sultana brand and there's So

29:33

you're that last one that's in there Director,

29:36

sorry, you were asking him about a

29:38

doctor. What's that last one? That's just

29:40

right It's

29:42

just right you happy Just

29:45

right to my favorite flavor in the box Yeah,

29:48

it is I Played

29:50

you motherfucker what I

29:52

knew there was just right in there But

29:55

in that moment in your heart,

29:57

you knew that the flavor

30:00

thing worked. It

30:03

started off very strong. I really, really thought

30:05

I was gonna work it there. Now,

30:08

hmm. Now,

30:11

make it a cereal. Do you want oat

30:13

milk or do you want oat milk?

30:16

Or dairy? Dairy. Dairy

30:19

milk for Broden. You can have a mix.

30:21

Kinda want a mix. Not too much milk,

30:23

so there's still some crone. This

30:26

is falling apart. Well, given

30:28

the bowl.

30:32

The bowl's a Broden. Given the

30:34

bowl. I'm just right to Broden.

30:36

He has it at his breakfast

30:39

and he wants some cereal. Given

30:41

the bowl to Broden. Give me

30:43

your bowl Mark. My

30:46

bro has, my, my, my,

30:49

my bowl. My bowl.

30:52

My bowl does have. My bro. You

30:54

know what Mark? I knew you meant bowl.

30:56

So I'll take it. But if

30:58

I just said my bro has

31:01

some old oat milk and

31:04

brownie crumbs in it. I

31:06

reckon you would have gone. Your

31:08

bro or your bowl. You were

31:10

looking at your bowl. You were picking up your bowl. Yeah,

31:12

but you still would have. You're still even. I

31:16

would have figured out you meant bowl. No, I know you

31:18

would have known. What

31:21

I'm saying is you would have pointed it out.

31:23

Would you not a doctor? Would you like some

31:25

cereal my man? No, I'm okay. You sure? I

31:27

had a brownie earlier. We should call this the

31:29

Kellogg's trilogy. Yes, we should. Oh

31:31

no, because we did one with Maria Bamford. We

31:35

should call this the Kellogg's trilogy.

31:37

You don't want to start. And

31:42

the other one. Yeah,

31:44

now I have a question

31:47

for you, Broden. In

31:49

two words, describe

31:53

how right that cereal is. It's not

31:56

bad. Is it too right? Not right

31:58

enough. It's not bad. Oh

32:00

no. It's not bad. That's some good

32:02

cereal. Yeah Well,

32:06

I have an appointment With

32:10

a patient with the devil. No, not

32:12

with the devil. No No,

32:16

he dr. Maloney looks after him

32:18

now No,

32:23

I don't stop saying that Someone's

32:26

got an appointment with the devil. I don't I don't

32:30

is there an early 90s thriller called appointment

32:32

with the devil I don't know

32:34

cuz that would be a great name for a

32:36

mid-90s thriller Starting Keanu Reeves

32:38

cuz you're thinking of and I'm thinking

32:41

of that one with the devil in

32:43

it something with the devil Constantine

32:47

now When we go around

32:49

I just apologize to the audience

32:51

for this episode. Oh, yeah, absolutely Did you want to start or

32:53

do you want me to start? Often

32:57

when we come into the podcast studio,

32:59

we don't have Much

33:02

to go off. We will usually

33:04

do a pre-production meeting the day before we would

33:06

discuss ideas This week

33:08

we didn't do that because we were all too

33:10

busy. So we came in today with nothing other

33:12

than We're

33:14

in our valleys today. Well passion in our hearts.

33:17

Well, there's you could say that but then I

33:19

would argue that the The

33:21

results don't don't show that I

33:24

had a box of Kellogg's variety pack

33:26

in my car. I bought that in I

33:28

thought that would be fun. We spoke to

33:30

Maria Brantford today We did three podcasts. No,

33:32

I don't wanted to bring back. You've added

33:34

Maria Bamford and all brand together And

33:36

I like it. Did I say a brand food? Broden

33:40

Broden wanted to bring back a

33:42

crowd of fan favorite character and

33:44

instead we said no Let's complete

33:46

the serial. Well, I was just trying

33:48

to give some context for why These

33:51

last three podcasts have been so bad.

33:53

Mm-hmm, and I would like to apologize

33:55

wholeheartedly I would not I would I

33:58

just want to make sure that I am NOT apologizing for

34:00

the breakfast that I had this morning, which

34:02

was a brownie in milk. It was delicious.

34:04

It was strange, but

34:06

it was delicious. And I suggest everyone out there give that a go. Right

34:09

in. Hey,

34:12

look, this is a podcast we've been doing for

34:14

over 400 episodes. Our goal is to

34:16

come in every week and find some magic. Sometimes

34:18

magic's there, sometimes it's not. I've

34:21

loved these episodes. I'm genuinely have belly

34:23

laugh. I've enjoyed them. If

34:25

people find them disappointing, it's a

34:27

shame, but just don't you worry. We'll be back next week

34:29

to bring you something real special. And

34:32

did. And I'm sorry. Yeah, yeah,

34:34

I didn't really hear the sorry. I'm not, but yeah.

34:37

Great. Right. Good

34:39

job, boys. I think it's better you don't apologize if you're not sorry. I

34:42

just apologize. I'm sorry. Yeah, great. I'm

34:44

really proud of you boys for doing that. So

34:47

you apologize. I

34:49

don't feel I need to. You apologize. I don't

34:51

think I need to. I've had to apologize to

34:53

you and the audience. And

34:56

why is that? Because I'm terrible. Because

34:58

it's whose fault? Mine. Great.

35:00

So. Wow.

35:03

I forgot about that. When you put it like that dude. It's yours

35:05

and my fault. Yeah. Well, thank you so much

35:07

for listening. Thank you. Thank

35:09

you, Dr. Elephant. Thank you. Not

35:12

a doubt. Thank you, Dr. Fart. You're

35:14

welcome. No, Dr. PhD

35:16

and Dr. Fart. Dr. Fart. Dr.

35:19

Fart. With a PhD in

35:21

Fart. I'm broden.

35:23

Is your PhD in yourself? No,

35:26

no, it's in Fart. That's why he got

35:28

the title of Dr. Fart. No, I changed my name

35:30

after I got mine. Just to make

35:32

things easier. Like how the Pope changes their name. To

35:34

Fart. Pope Fart. Yeah,

35:36

he changed his name to Fart. Dr. Fart. My

35:40

name is Dr. Pope Fart. Dr.

35:42

Pope Fart. The second. Yeah.

35:48

You wanted to say something, broden? Number two.

35:51

How was your cereal? It hit the spot.

35:54

Because it was. Good. Just

35:58

fantastic. Oh,

36:01

yeah. Wrap

36:04

it up. Let's wrap this one up. All

36:07

right, well, just like a

36:09

small, just like a. You love these as similes,

36:11

don't you? As similes? Yeah,

36:13

this is like this. Isn't

36:16

that just a simile? Because they are similar. Yeah.

36:20

Just like a packet of

36:24

cereal in a, it's just

36:26

a small portion of cereal in a

36:28

Kellogg's variety pack of assorted cereals. This

36:31

episode is all wrapped up. And

36:34

I would say just like a box of favorite,

36:36

a box of roses, a tin of roses, just

36:38

like a box or a tin of roses. I

36:40

think they're boxes now. Sometimes you get a caramel

36:42

one and sometimes you get

36:45

one of those weird hard minty

36:47

ones. It

36:49

was a weird hard minty one today. But

36:53

we hope that we gave you enough of a

36:55

chocolate fix. Fucking

36:57

hell. Broden,

37:00

would you like to apologize to him?

37:02

No, a simile. A simile.

37:04

Okay, much like, much

37:08

like Coco Pops. Fucking, oh,

37:10

that's a fucking good simile, Broden. I need

37:12

to know, is it just simile?

37:16

S-I-M. A simile. S-I-M-I-L-E.

37:20

Imagine smile with one more eye. But

37:22

Broden is doing a simile now. We've

37:26

done a simile. We've done

37:28

a similes. And

37:30

now Broden is doing a simile.

37:34

Please Broden, you're a simile. You're

37:38

a simile, Alan. You're a simile. You're, no. You've

37:40

always been a little simile. You can do a

37:42

simile, or you can do a silly me. A

37:47

silly me. Do a silly me.

37:49

I'm being a bit silly me. Yes you

37:51

are. Well, you are a doctor. Me.

37:54

Me. He's still an elephant man. Yeah. No,

37:57

I'm not an elephant man. I'm

37:59

a man playing a- He's a man that portrays

38:01

a beast. Like the elephant

38:03

man by Bradley Cooper. No, the elephant

38:05

man is not a beast. He was

38:07

treated as a beast by cruel circus

38:09

people. Yes. I'm

38:12

just an elephant. A man

38:14

playing an elephant. Yeah, a Bradley Cooper type

38:16

man. Like Coco Pops. This

38:21

episode was a little bit more crunchy

38:23

than your normal podcast. But

38:26

that is actually what some people prefer. Like

38:29

a natural wine, the

38:31

flavour was a little bit challenging.

38:35

But this podcast would go well with a

38:38

spicy fried chicken. And

38:42

on that note. In

38:45

that chicken white wine and

38:48

the natural holds up to the spice. Much

38:51

like... What? I

38:54

want you to do a simile. You want me to

38:56

do a simile? I want you to do the simile.

39:00

Do the simile. The

39:02

simile. To close this out. Close this out

39:04

on the simile. Do the simile. I

39:09

need you to do the simile. Which

39:12

is just the most

39:14

synonymous, the ultimate a

39:17

simile. I can only do my... If you

39:19

want to know what kind of simile we want. It's

39:22

like this simile has to be so

39:25

perfect. It's

39:30

like a pair of pants. Like

39:33

the magical pair of

39:35

pants in that movie starring

39:37

America Ferrera and the

39:39

cutie from that TV show. Barbie.

39:43

Barbie. Panem. Margot

39:46

Robbie from Panem. She wasn't in Sisterhood of

39:48

the Travelling Pants. I'm talking about Alexis Bladale.

39:51

I'm so sorry. I'm

39:53

so sorry. There

39:55

are pants in Barbie though. There

39:58

are but they're not magical pants. I'll, but

40:02

they need to go one similarly, but

40:04

I'm doing a similar to explain the similar get

40:06

it. Hold onto it, but

40:08

I just need you to know this similarly

40:10

needs to fit perfectly like the magical

40:13

pants of the sisterhood of the traveling

40:15

pants. I understand. Great

40:18

job. Much like a

40:20

bowls of cereal. Okay. This

40:24

cereal. Yes. Of

40:27

podcasts. I'm

40:31

like, I'm hoping you man. I

40:33

heard a disappointed. No, no. I'm

40:36

like, Oh, much like the bowls of cereal.

40:39

We do. Can't

40:42

tell me that wasn't disappointing. I'm excited. I'm

40:44

hoping you up, bro. Much

40:46

like the cereal. I

40:49

can't read that one. It's

40:51

because we were doing different sounds much

40:53

like the cereal. That

40:56

is now. I'm just going to have to push

40:58

through because you guys

41:00

are teasing me and talking. No, no, we're,

41:02

we're, we're, we're, we're like giving you like

41:04

little, trying to fuck me. No,

41:07

no, no. If I was trying to

41:09

fuck you, then I would fuck you. I'm not

41:11

some prize pig to be fucked. I'm a doctor.

41:13

Damn it. I'm an elephant doctor. You're

41:16

a beast. You're nothing but

41:18

a beast. I'm wearing a tie.

41:20

Much like you are. I'm

41:22

a big elephant neck. Much

41:25

like the cereal that is in our townies.

41:29

This cereal of podcasts has

41:32

been digested by

41:35

our audience and is caused much

41:38

like me in the morning. Some

41:42

wet diarrhea poo. There it is. We

41:44

came, we gave it a full, that's beautiful Mark. Well

41:47

done. Broden, you want to

41:49

promote your football podcast? The footy with

41:51

Broden every week we cover the ins

41:53

and outs of the footy. I

41:56

got a podcast with my good friend, Miss. You

41:58

might know it from stuff with. done. Mark,

42:01

you've got your podcast coming out. No, I

42:03

don't. Dumb cunt. Wow.

42:05

That's where you

42:07

just talk to various dumb cunts. You're

42:09

not the dumb cunt. The dumb cunt

42:11

chronicles with Mark. Every Tuesday I talk

42:13

to a different dumb cunt. Find out

42:15

why they're dumb. Why they cunt. The

42:17

slogan takes one to know one. Takes

42:20

one to know one. Cause Mark's a

42:22

dumb cunt. Only on iHeartRadio. I will

42:24

see you all next week. You've

42:29

been listening to the Aunty Donna Podcast. Thanks

42:31

for joining us for another RIP episode brought

42:33

to you by Aunty Donna club.com.

42:36

See you next week.